Monday, June 18, 2012

True Blood: Ugh, Yawn, Ugh, Sigh, Ugh.

Last night's True Blood really didn't do it for me. All the best Eric bits were taken over by lame guest stars. Between insanely long speeches by Christopher Meloni, crazy German vampire man, and crazy Italian vampire woman, Eric or Bill hardly got a word in edgewise.  

Alexander Skarsgard as Eric Northman on True Blood Season Five Authority Always Wins
The best scene of the night was the Pam flashback. So back in the day, Pam was a madame? Or just a whore? I couldn't really tell. But one night she unwisely walks alone down a dark alley and is approached by a shady fellow. Eric rescues her from murder, slitting the man's throat and then oh-so-seductively licking the blood of his finger.

Seductive? Or mime blowing up a balloon? You be the judge.
He's taken by Pam's moxie and the fact that she's not terrified. Sure, maybe the dead body doesn't bother her. But the guy subsequently consuming the blood? Nothing? Not even a quizzical eyebrow?

Alexander Skarsgard as Eric Northman and Kristin Bauer van Straten as Pam on True Blood Authority Always Win
Alexander Skarsgard as Eric Northman and Kristin Bauer van Straten as Pam on True Blood Authority Always Win
Eh. Whatevs. That's all the progress they make night one. Presumably they'll meet again. And I do love me some vampires in period garb. I wonder at what point Eric decided to adopt that horrendous haircut he had during season one. Ya'll remember that?

Alexander Skarsgard as Eric Northman and Kristin Bauer van Straten as Pam on True Blood Authority Always Win
Anywho. Back in present times, Eric and Bill get tortured by silver intravenous something-or-other and UV light. Honestly, torture scenes are something True Blood is kind of balls at. It's just a lot of writhing and post production smoke work. Not sexy. Big yawn.

Alexander Skarsgard as Eric Northman on True Blood Season Five Authority Always Wins
Eric seemed most tortured when he was told Nora was dead. Obviously, crazy Italian vampire chick was lying. But considering the blah of True Blood's physical torture, they should stick with the psychological kind.

Alexander Skarsgard as Eric Northman on True Blood Season Five Authority Always Wins
And then Christopher Meloni talked and talked and talked. Blah fucking blah. Careful, True Blood. You're teetering on that taking-yourself-too-seriously line. Please lighten up. I do not care about the vampire bible or Lilith or whatever the hell else was being talked about. Move on, please.

Alexander Skarsgard as Eric Northman and Stephen Moyer as Bill Compton on True Blood Authority Always Win
So basically, Eric and Bill wise, zero happened.

On the Jason front, I have hope that they're starting him on a angsty arc of some sort about screwing up people's lives. I liked his scene with Hoyt. But he hasn't been given enough to do yet. I realize we're only two episodes in, but I wish True Blood wouldn't always divide up their main cast. Aren't they all wondering what all the others are up to?

Ryan Kwanten as Jason Stackhouse on True Blood Season Five Authority Always Wins
Sigh. Other things I don't yet care about? Whether or not Tara ever forgives Lafayette or Sookie, mysterious Terry backstory involving Noel and fire, Sam and his annoying shifter girlfriend and her werepuppy, or anything involving ex-pack leader's mom. I think Fellowship of the Sun guy is funny. He can hang around. Otherwise... MORE ERIC AND JASON.

1 comment:

  1. Agree, not a particularly good episode, especially the Tara bits and how inconsistent turning a vampire seems to be.

    The only way I can see myself being interested in that storyline is if Tara becomes the season Big Bad. I do remember from the books there being a vampire who betrayed vampires because he never wanted to be turned - maybe thats the angle they're heading in for Tara.

    Anyway yeah, more Eric and Pam flashbacks and Fellowship of the Sun guy. Less Authority and vampire bibles.

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