Monday, October 22, 2012

Once Upon A Time: Captain Hook

Check out the guy-liner, ya'll! It's like Once Upon A Time's super special signpost that a character is sexy. Every morning, before raping and pillaging, Captain Killian Jones gets up and does his makeup. He prefers a pencil to liquid liner because he wants a less defined edge. 

Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile Killian Jones Colin ODonoghue OUAT Once Upon A Time Captain Hook Season 2 Hook
So here he be. Captain Hook in all his smirky glory. He's brash and dastardly and all the things pirates ought to be. Although his ship looked especially Disney in that cartoony, fake sort of way. I mean - his pirate crew is really a fan of primary colored paint. And they must be doing touchups constantly.

Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile Killian Jones Colin ODonoghue OUAT Once Upon A Time Captain Hook Season 2 Hook
I love the game of casting Rumpelstiltskin as the baddie in a variety of tales. He's Rumpel, The Beast, and now The Crocodile! (Although... it was Peter who cut off Hook's hand. The Crocodile only ate it. So their reinterpretation is a little jagged. And also - can we expect a Peter!? That'd be sweeeet.)

Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile Killian Jones Colin ODonoghue OUAT Once Upon A Time Captain Hook Season 2 Hook
This new version of Hook sets sail with the decision of Milah, Rumpel's wife, to abandon her cowardly husband and poor son. Bae seriously has like THE worst luck. Whoever he turns out to be, he ought to be right and proper angsty as an adult. And if it's Michael Raymond James he'll definitely be able to pull that off.

Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile Killian Jones Colin ODonoghue OUAT Once Upon A Time Captain Hook Season 2 Hook
Rumpel goes to get Milah back, but he refuses to duel over her. So Killian wins by default and takes himself a salt wife.

Robert Carlyle as Rumpelstiltskin Once Upon A Time Rumplestiltskin Once Upon A Time Crocodile Season 2 Robert Carlyle OUAT
Years later, when Rumpel is actually Rumpel (who is actually Rumple on this show - but I shall never acquiesce to their misspelling of Rumpelstiltskin), he meets dear Killian again and says, "Hey! Bro! WTF ever happened to my wife?"

Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile Killian Jones Colin ODonoghue OUAT Once Upon A Time Captain Hook Season 2 Hook
And Killian's all like, "What wife, man? Oh that old hag? She totally dead."

Robert Carlyle and Colin O'Donoghue as Rumpelstiltskin and Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile OUAT Season 2 Captain Hook 
And then they duel. And Rumpel wins because not only is he invincible, he's also magical. Not much of a contest.

Robert Carlyle and Colin O'Donoghue as Rumpelstiltskin and Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile OUAT Season 2 Captain Hook 
Rumpel is about to kill The Captain but then! Shock of shocks! Milah's not really dead!

Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile Killian Jones Colin O'Donoghue OUAT Once Upon A Time Captain Hook Season 2
Robert Carlyle and Colin O'Donoghue as Rumpelstiltskin and Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile OUAT Season 2 Captain Hook 
Turns out Milah never loved Rumpel and when she saw her chance for a life of adventure and awesomeness, she took it. Again: Poor Freakin' Bae. Will no one ever choose to stay with this kid?


Rumpel's a right bastard and he yanks out Milah's heart and crushes it into dust. This makes Killian really sad. He attacks Rumpel who cuts off his hand because he incorrectly believes said hand is clutching a magic bean. I guess now Hook counts as angsty. Guy-liner + dead girl + no hand = angst. But I hope he gets angstier and does angstier things.

Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile Killian Jones Colin ODonoghue OUAT Once Upon A Time Captain Hook Season 2 Hook
He vows to hunt down Rumpel at any cost. So - Rumpel is sort of his Peter. And his Crocodile. Which is weird. It's like time travel. You can't think too much about it.

Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile Killian Jones Colin ODonoghue OUAT Once Upon A Time Captain Hook Season 2 Hook
I found the most exciting moment of the night to be Hook's declaration that they're setting sail for Neverland! Fun! I want more Wonderland too. I want Wonderland and Neverland to swirl all together and I want Peter and Alice to be BFFs forever and enjoy childhood and innocence and whimsy until the end of time!

Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile Killian Jones Colin O'Donoghue OUAT Once Upon A Time Captain Hook Season 2 Hook
Whatever happened between Neverland and the curse - in present time, Hook's back in The Enchanted Forest or whatever it's called. He's working with Cora to find a way to Storybrooke. It's a bit of a bummer because I'd like to have seen a cursed Captain Hook. But alas. Instead, I'll look forward to his eventual meeting of Emma and Snow.

Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile Killian Jones Colin O'Donoghue OUAT Once Upon A Time Captain Hook Season 2 Hook
I haven't really made my mind up about Hook yet as a character. So far... I don't actually care about him. I immediately cared about Jefferson. Granted, they have very different stories. But Hook feels like an attempt to entice intentionally the way Jefferson seemed to accidentally. We'll see. I reserve judgement until a later date.

Oh. And one other thing. David should always ALWAYS been working in the mines.

Josh Dallas as Prince Charming David Nolan on Once Upon A Time in the mines Josh Dallas in the mines OUAT Crocodile David Nolan Season 2 Arms

4 comments:

  1. HEY BLOGGER!! YOU NEED TO DO THE ONE W/ HENRY AND REGINA AND MAGICAL POWERS!! SO ANGSTY!

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  2. May I just say...thank you for those pictures. Captain Hook and his guyliner have made my eyes happier than they've been in a very long time. :)

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  3. ["Poor Freakin' Bae. Will no one ever choose to stay with this kid?"]

    As it turned out, Bae couldn't stay with Emma. He couldn't take responsibility for his own crimes . . . so that Emma would "meet her destiny" in Storybrooke. My new nickname for him is Douchefire.

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  4. sure he's cute but he's also way creepy.

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