Monday, October 29, 2012

Once Upon A Time: Thanks For All The Sexy

So much evil-sexy on last night's Once Upon A Time, I can't even take it! There was Rumpelstiltskin, Captain Hook, Dr. Frankenstein, Prince Charming and of course The Mad Hatter who was being so so so so sexy it made my eyeballs hurt.

Robert Carlyle as Rumpelstiltskin on Once Upon A Time S02E05 The Doctor OUAT Robert Carlyle Rumpel Rumple Once Upon A Time Season 2 OUAT
We start out with Rumpel and Regina. They're right in the thick of Regina's magical education. She's gotten pretty decent at wielding magical power, but she's still too human to crush unicorn hearts for no reason. Right on, Regina. Crushing a unicorn heart is like #1 on PETA's list of evil things.

Robert Carlyle as Rumpelstiltskin on Once Upon A Time S02E05 The Doctor OUAT Robert Carlyle Rumpel OUAT Rumple Once Upon A Time Season 2
Then begins the cycle of manipulation. Jefferson shows up to deliver a crystal ball to Rumpel at just the right time. He learns of Regina's desire to bring Daniel back from the dead. I have to say, I absolutely loooooooove him as this magic dealer guy. How insanely FUN was his performance? I want more pre-Grace Jefferson! More more more!!

Robert Carlyle Sebastian Stan Rumpelstiltskin Jefferson The Mad Hatter Once Upon A Time S02E05 OUAT The Doctor Once Upon A Time Season 2
Look at him! Being all mad and whimsical. And also smokin hot.

Sebastian Stan as Jefferson The Mad Hatter Once Upon A Time Season 2 S02E05 The Doctor Jefferson The Mad Hatter Sebastian Stan Season Two
Jefferson claims that he can hook Regina up with the one guy capable of resurrection. This guy apparently has something more powerful than magic.

Sebastian Stan and Lana Parrilla as Jefferson the Mad Hatter and Regina on Once Upon A Time S02E05 The Doctor Season 2 Two OUAT Regina Jefferson
Jefferson takes Regina to meet the mysterious doctor. And so begins the weird American Horror Story: Asylum parallel of science vs. magic. Once Upon A Time seems like a weird vehicle for this theme. They have always fell pretty heavily on the side of magic. So why introduce a character who has science... but also must have some sort of magic too. Because Jefferson can get to The Doctor's world with his hat. And his hat can only go between magical realms. So it's not even SCIENCE science. It's magic-science...

Sebastian Stan as Jefferson The Mad Hatter Once Upon A Time Season 2 S02E05 The Doctor Jefferson The Mad Hatter Sebastian Stan Season Two
Whatever. Jefferson doesn't want me to overthink it. The doctor turns out to be Frankenstein - if that wasn't already crystal clear. And I agree with the internetians who cry foul because he's not a fairytale character. But oh well. If they want someone to represent science, I guess he's just as good a choice as anyone.


So Jefferson and Dr. Frankenstein have a nice little chat about who tailors their coats. Because these gentlemen are dressed sharp. And Dr. Frankenstein tells Jefferson next time he's in Lighting-Land, they should totally have a mall day even if everything at the mall is black and white.

David Anders as Dr. Frankenstein Dr. Whale on Once Upon A Time S02E05 The Doctor OUAT Season 2 David Anders Once Upon A Time Doctor 
Dr. Frankenstein puts on a puppet show for Regina and Jeferson in which he tries to bring Daniel back to life.

Sebastian Stan and Lana Parrilla as Jefferson the Mad Hatter and Regina on Once Upon A Time S02E05 The Doctor Season 2 Two OUAT Regina Jefferson
He fails and then destroys Regina with the news. Once her heart is broken fully, she returns to Rumpelstiltskin totally willing to crush any heart he wants.

David Anders Sebastian Stan Jefferson The Mad Hatter Dr. Frankenstein Once Upon A Time Season 2 S02E05 The Doctor Season Two David Anders
Then! Twist! The whole thing was all a ruse concocted by Rumpel to turn Regina evil. Dr. Frankenstein is a whore and Jefferson his willing accomplice. At least now there's a good reason for Regina to kind of hate them both. All Dr. Frankenstein really wanted was one of her hearts to bring home.

Robert Carlyle Sebastian Stan Rumpelstiltskin Jefferson The Mad Hatter Once Upon A Time S02E05 OUAT The Doctor Once Upon A Time Season 2
Robert Carlyle Sebastian Stan Rumpelstiltskin Jefferson The Mad Hatter Once Upon A Time S02E05 OUAT The Doctor Once Upon A Time Season 2
He returns to his colorless land with one glowing, red, magical heart.

David Anders as Dr. Frankenstein Dr. Whale on Once Upon A Time S02E05 The Doctor OUAT Season 2 David Anders Once Upon A Time Doctor 
He implants it into his brother and, can you believe it, HE'S ALIVE!!

David Anders as Dr. Frankenstein Dr. Whale on Once Upon A Time S02E05 The Doctor OUAT Season 2 David Anders Once Upon A Time Doctor 
Okay, so those are the sexy evil men of the past playing sexy evil mind games on Regina turning her evil and I guess also sexy if you're into vampy middle aged mom-types.

Colin O'Donoghue as Captain Hook Killian Jones Once Upon A Time The Doctor Season 2 S02E05 OUAT Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook OUAT
But back with our cohort of Disney Princesses, Captain Hook is playing his own evil-sexy mind games. Except happily, Emma is a lot smarter than Regina. She cannot be so easily fooled.

Colin O'Donoghue Jennifer Morrison Emma as Captain Hook Killian Jones Once Upon A Time The Doctor Season 2 S02E05 OUAT Captain Hook OUAT
She knows he's lying. And she calls him out on it. And she wins. All those things make me smile.

Colin O'Donoghue as Captain Hook Killian Jones Once Upon A Time The Doctor Season 2 S02E05 OUAT Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook OUAT
And her reaction when she realizes he's Captain Hook is just marvelous. Yay for the comedy of normal people trapped in a fairytale land. They go off to climb a beanstalk. I hope Hook and Emma will be BFFs forever and ever - it might make me like both of them more.

Josh Dallas as David Nolan Prince Charming Once Upon A Time The Doctor Season 2 S02E05 OUAT Josh Dallas Prince Charming  OUAT
Also. David exists. He's a beacon of righteousness without an evil bone in his body. But he's kind of sexy too. So way to go, OUAT! You brought lots and lots of sexy to my Sunday night. I thank you very kindly. Let's do it again next week.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

American Horror Story Season 2 Asylum: Kit Walker - The Sweetest Guy At The Asylum

Happy Thursday, AHS lovers. 

Kit American Horror Story Evan Peters American Horror Story Asylum Season Two Tricks and Treats AHS 2 Kit Walker Evan Peters
So, Kit only had a few scenes last night. But they all worked to reenforce the fact that he's a good, decent fellow who is getting a seriously jacked deal.

Kit American Horror Story Evan Peters American Horror Story Asylum Season Two Tricks and Treats AHS 2 Kit Walker Evan Peters
First, Doctor Spock shows up and diagnoses Kit as clinically insane. Because of the little green men he keeps talking about. But more importantly - Kit thinks Alma is still out there somewhere. Wouldn't that be lovely? If the season ends with Kit and Alma riding off into the sunset? Sigh. Why do I even go there?

Kit American Horror Story Evan Peters American Horror Story Asylum Season Two Tricks and Treats AHS 2 Kit Walker Evan Peters
Then, Kit prevents Lana from being caught with the notes she keeps taking. He's doing her a solid. But it makes no matter to her. She's convinced he's done what they say. You'd think her of all people would be willing to give anyone on the inside the benefit of the doubt. But nope. She believes the hype. And she prevents Kit and Grace from escaping.

Kit American Horror Story Evan Peters American Horror Story Asylum Season Two Tricks and Treats AHS 2 Kit Walker Evan Peters
Then - punishment time. We can't go a whole episode of AHS without Evan Peters getting maimed in some way. That would just be criminal! So Sister Jude invites Lana to choose her weapon of choice.

Kit American Horror Story Evan Peters American Horror Story Asylum Season Two Tricks and Treats AHS 2 Kit Walker Evan Peters
Just as Sister Jude is about to dole out the lashes on Lana's backside, Kit stops her. He wants all the blame and all the punishment. Chivalry, ya'll! See? Kit's a real stand up guy. A regular knight in shining armor.

Kit American Horror Story Evan Peters American Horror Story Asylum Season Two Tricks and Treats AHS 2 Kit Walker Evan Peters
Kit takes all forty lashes. Which is a CRAP TON of lashes. He wouldn't be able to sit for a month. I hope Lana feels like a right bi-ach because she's a total traitor who deserves to have her brain fried.

Kit American Horror Story Evan Peters American Horror Story Asylum Season Two Tricks and Treats AHS 2 Kit Walker Evan Peters
Okay. She doesn't really deserve to have her brain fried. But she deserves to feel super guilty about stoping their escape. And how do we feel about Grace? They haven't given us much with her yet. Mostly I just find myself distracted by her floating French accent. But as a character - so far I'm totally indifferent towards her.

Kit American Horror Story Evan Peters American Horror Story Asylum Season Two Tricks and Treats AHS 2 Kit Walker Evan Peters beaten
Kit American Horror Story Evan Peters American Horror Story Asylum Season Two Tricks and Treats AHS 2 Kit Walker Evan Peters whipped
The episode ends with the first six lashes. Of FORTY. Can I just say again - that is sooo many lashes. Next week, I vote for more Kit and less creepster James Cromwell. I'm good with mad scientist James Cromwell. And even misogynistic James Cromwell is kind of interesting. But sexy times James Cromwell I'd be happy to never see again. Just a suggestion.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Once Upon A Time: Captain Hook

Check out the guy-liner, ya'll! It's like Once Upon A Time's super special signpost that a character is sexy. Every morning, before raping and pillaging, Captain Killian Jones gets up and does his makeup. He prefers a pencil to liquid liner because he wants a less defined edge. 

Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile Killian Jones Colin ODonoghue OUAT Once Upon A Time Captain Hook Season 2 Hook
So here he be. Captain Hook in all his smirky glory. He's brash and dastardly and all the things pirates ought to be. Although his ship looked especially Disney in that cartoony, fake sort of way. I mean - his pirate crew is really a fan of primary colored paint. And they must be doing touchups constantly.

Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile Killian Jones Colin ODonoghue OUAT Once Upon A Time Captain Hook Season 2 Hook
I love the game of casting Rumpelstiltskin as the baddie in a variety of tales. He's Rumpel, The Beast, and now The Crocodile! (Although... it was Peter who cut off Hook's hand. The Crocodile only ate it. So their reinterpretation is a little jagged. And also - can we expect a Peter!? That'd be sweeeet.)

Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile Killian Jones Colin ODonoghue OUAT Once Upon A Time Captain Hook Season 2 Hook
This new version of Hook sets sail with the decision of Milah, Rumpel's wife, to abandon her cowardly husband and poor son. Bae seriously has like THE worst luck. Whoever he turns out to be, he ought to be right and proper angsty as an adult. And if it's Michael Raymond James he'll definitely be able to pull that off.

Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile Killian Jones Colin ODonoghue OUAT Once Upon A Time Captain Hook Season 2 Hook
Rumpel goes to get Milah back, but he refuses to duel over her. So Killian wins by default and takes himself a salt wife.

Robert Carlyle as Rumpelstiltskin Once Upon A Time Rumplestiltskin Once Upon A Time Crocodile Season 2 Robert Carlyle OUAT
Years later, when Rumpel is actually Rumpel (who is actually Rumple on this show - but I shall never acquiesce to their misspelling of Rumpelstiltskin), he meets dear Killian again and says, "Hey! Bro! WTF ever happened to my wife?"

Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile Killian Jones Colin ODonoghue OUAT Once Upon A Time Captain Hook Season 2 Hook
And Killian's all like, "What wife, man? Oh that old hag? She totally dead."

Robert Carlyle and Colin O'Donoghue as Rumpelstiltskin and Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile OUAT Season 2 Captain Hook 
And then they duel. And Rumpel wins because not only is he invincible, he's also magical. Not much of a contest.

Robert Carlyle and Colin O'Donoghue as Rumpelstiltskin and Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile OUAT Season 2 Captain Hook 
Rumpel is about to kill The Captain but then! Shock of shocks! Milah's not really dead!

Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile Killian Jones Colin O'Donoghue OUAT Once Upon A Time Captain Hook Season 2
Robert Carlyle and Colin O'Donoghue as Rumpelstiltskin and Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile OUAT Season 2 Captain Hook 
Turns out Milah never loved Rumpel and when she saw her chance for a life of adventure and awesomeness, she took it. Again: Poor Freakin' Bae. Will no one ever choose to stay with this kid?


Rumpel's a right bastard and he yanks out Milah's heart and crushes it into dust. This makes Killian really sad. He attacks Rumpel who cuts off his hand because he incorrectly believes said hand is clutching a magic bean. I guess now Hook counts as angsty. Guy-liner + dead girl + no hand = angst. But I hope he gets angstier and does angstier things.

Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile Killian Jones Colin ODonoghue OUAT Once Upon A Time Captain Hook Season 2 Hook
He vows to hunt down Rumpel at any cost. So - Rumpel is sort of his Peter. And his Crocodile. Which is weird. It's like time travel. You can't think too much about it.

Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile Killian Jones Colin ODonoghue OUAT Once Upon A Time Captain Hook Season 2 Hook
I found the most exciting moment of the night to be Hook's declaration that they're setting sail for Neverland! Fun! I want more Wonderland too. I want Wonderland and Neverland to swirl all together and I want Peter and Alice to be BFFs forever and enjoy childhood and innocence and whimsy until the end of time!

Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile Killian Jones Colin O'Donoghue OUAT Once Upon A Time Captain Hook Season 2 Hook
Whatever happened between Neverland and the curse - in present time, Hook's back in The Enchanted Forest or whatever it's called. He's working with Cora to find a way to Storybrooke. It's a bit of a bummer because I'd like to have seen a cursed Captain Hook. But alas. Instead, I'll look forward to his eventual meeting of Emma and Snow.

Colin O'Donoghue Captain Hook Once Upon A Time Crocodile Killian Jones Colin O'Donoghue OUAT Once Upon A Time Captain Hook Season 2 Hook
I haven't really made my mind up about Hook yet as a character. So far... I don't actually care about him. I immediately cared about Jefferson. Granted, they have very different stories. But Hook feels like an attempt to entice intentionally the way Jefferson seemed to accidentally. We'll see. I reserve judgement until a later date.

Oh. And one other thing. David should always ALWAYS been working in the mines.

Josh Dallas as Prince Charming David Nolan on Once Upon A Time in the mines Josh Dallas in the mines OUAT Crocodile David Nolan Season 2 Arms

Friday, October 19, 2012

The Vampire Diaries: Blood and Tears

I know they try pretty hard to make the case that Elena's life is tough, but oh my God. Did you SEE how many sexy guys she got to have sexy moments with last night?

Paul Wesley and Nina Dobrev as Stefan Salvatore and Elena Gilbert on The Vampire Diaries S04E02 Stelena Memorial TVD Stelena Season 4 Stefan Elena
I'm not a huge Stelena fan but this scene was pretty spicy until Elena started vomiting blood.

Paul Wesley and Nina Dobrev as Stefan Salvatore and Elena Gilbert on The Vampire Diaries S04E02 Stelena Memorial TVD Stelena Season 4 Stefan Elena
Sure, I'll concede, vomiting blood is pretty un-sexy. And the cleanup looked like a huge pain in the ass.

Paul Wesley shirtless Nina Dobrev Stefan Salvatore Elena Gilbert make out The Vampire Diaries S04E02 Stelena Memorial TVD Stelena Season 4 kiss
But I might be willing to harmlessly vomit some blood if make-out sessions with The Brothers Salvatore were promised on either side of the ordeal.

Paul Wesley and Nina Dobrev as Stefan Salvatore and Elena Gilbert on The Vampire Diaries S04E02 Stelena Memorial TVD Stelena Season 4 Stefan Elena
And this hand sucking business?! WAY sexier than the smooching.

Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev as Damon Salvatore and Elena Gilbert Vampire Diaries S04E02 Delena 4 Memorial Elena sucks Damon's blood Season 4
It must have been pretty amusing to shoot. I'd like to be a random crew guy standing by the craft services table watching Nina Dobrev go ballistic on Ian Somerhalder's palm.

Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev as Damon Salvatore and Elena Gilbert Vampire Diaries S04E02 Delena 4 Memorial Elena sucks Damon's blood Season 4
On second thought, I'd rather be Nina Dobrev.

Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev as Damon Salvatore and Elena Gilbert Vampire Diaries S04E02 Delena 4 Memorial Elena sucks Damon's blood Season 4
Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev as Damon Salvatore and Elena Gilbert Vampire Diaries S04E02 Delena 4 Memorial Elena sucks Damon's blood Season 4
And then the Matt moment! Not so much sexy as super super sweet. And no one even lent him an arm or got him some juice after she tapped his vein.

Zach Roerig and Nina Dobrev as Matt and Elena on The Vampire Diaries S04E02  Memorial Elena sucks Matt's blood season 4 TVD
Zach Roerig and Nina Dobrev as Matt and Elena on The Vampire Diaries S04E02  Memorial Elena sucks Matt's blood season 4 TVD
So all the man sucking scenes were fun. But dude. That final scene. MATT DAVIS, WHAT?! Man, I miss him. I was a little indignant that Stefan got the first Alaric mention in the lantern scene. He wasn't your BFF4EVR, Stefan! He belongs to the Gilbert orphans and Damon. Poor poor Damon. Visiting Alaric's grave and pouring his guts out because he's got no one living he can do it with.

Matt Davis and Ian Somerhalder as Alric Saltzman and Damon Salvatore on The Vampire Diaries Memorial S04E02 Season 4 Alaric's ghost Damon cemetery 
And poor Alaric. Being dead. They miss each other :'( The tear of that emoticon does not adequately represent my sadness. It's more like :''''(

Matt Davis and Ian Somerhalder as Alric Saltzman and Damon Salvatore on The Vampire Diaries Memorial S04E02 Season 4 Alaric's ghost Damon cemetery
I heart Matt Davis so much. I've never managed to put my finger on how he made Alaric not super boring. It must just be him. Some genuine something or other that he brings to the screen. But I wish he could always be there. Damon needs a friend. And a hug. And more than hand sucking.